I’m at the onset of a new experiment… the Accountability Mirror. This is a concept I got from David Goggins in his book Can’t Hurt Me. I decided to modify it a little though. In his book Goggins recounts a story about a tough period in his life when he’s in high school. I won’t go into it too much, but he has to get his shit together or really face a tough reality of failure. He creates a ritual where he faces himself in the mirror everyday and recounts what he’s like in a brutally honest way. He also creates specific goals for himself. I decided to replicate this per his challenge and modify it a bit.
TLDR (Too Long Didn’t Read) Version
I created 2 different sections on my bathroom mirror with different content to help keep me accountable.
- Traits I don’t like about myself
- Post its with different negative traits I see in myself like “undisciplined”
- Questions that help me think through specific things that help govern my day
- Seed Tomorrow: What can I do today that will make my day tomorrow AMAZING?
- Win Today: What can I do today that will make my day AMAZING?
- Reflect & Appreciate: What did I do today that made today AMAZING?
I literally put these things up on my mirror with post its and dry erase markers. Below is much more color around how I think about these things.
The Daily Battle
I face the mirror, and to my left and right on post-it notes are negative traits I see in myself. Things like “flakey” and “weak willed” are up there. There are 6 in total. I have no idea whether people would describe me like this, but it’s what I see. I look at it every morning and every evening. These are reminders of what I want to fight against. These outline my daily battle against myself.
For a long time I’ve known that I like to argue and fight. I don’t know why, but it’s something that simply fuels me. Being good at football in high school was never something that motivated me very much. However, knowing that there’s someone somewhere out there that wants to physically dominate me on the field was a huge motivator. I knew I was going to fight him, and I’d fight against him everyday in the gym. The idea of a struggle or a fight or pushing back against something simply gets my motor going, and right now I’m fighting against myself. I see these things in the mirror and want to prove them wrong. I don’t want to see them anymore, but they simply can’t go away. This is my daily battle. I try to fight against them. Like any series of battles I don’t always win, but I will keep fighting.
AMAZING Days & Seeds
For the duration of my unemployment I haven’t figured out what made good days and what made bad days. For a little while I thought it was energy. I wrote about this in a prior post. Managing energy is very important, and after writing that I improved there. I did small things like taking B vitamins which help tremendously. Right now I don’t regulate my coffee intake at all… 6 cups to get me moving. Why not? It helps, but it still isn’t the difference maker. I really think I stumbled upon something coming out of a severe hangover after ending sober January…
2 days after drinking way too much I had a great day. I couldn’t figure out what led to it, but it was a great day. There wasn’t anything particularly different about it other than I had spent all Sunday and Monday recovering. In fact I had eaten shit food on Sunday so my diet still wasn’t in a great place. I did a lot of napping and didn’t sleep particularly well Monday night, but something was going on that made Tuesday amazing. I don’t remember everything I did that day, but there were a few new things that grabbed my attention. I spent some time watching a Master Class on poker. I also started watching poker. In addition I started to broaden my job hunt looking at different roles. I also wrote about a few new things I hadn’t yet. Three new things made my mind race and the day felt amazing. This was coupled by my normal diet, exercise, and journal. It was a great day. The next day though was only ok. Why? What changed?
It hit me a couple days later like a ton of bricks. Tuesday was amazing because it was seeded by other days. I had played poker on Friday and my interest was piqued again. I spent maybe 10 mins on Monday looking at that Master Class. I spent a few minutes on Monday looking at new types of jobs, and I spent a bunch of time thinking about some new topics. I had planted seeds before Tuesday that grew and sprouted to make Tuesday amazing. It’s that simple… seeds from earlier made the day amazing.
The operating theory I have, and this is a cornerstone of my experiment, is that today’s outcome is largely determined by the preceding days. It’s important to look a bit forward to seed your days so they can be great. I came up with 3 questions I’d write on my Accountability Mirror and think about everyday.
- Seed Tomorrow: What can I do today to make tomorrow AMAZING?
- Win Today: What will make today AMAZING?
- Reflect & Appreciate: What made today AMAZING?
#1 is really about creating these seeds. I’ve found that even little things a day ahead of time can make the next day great. For example I don’t need to write a big long blog post. I just have to write 10 words on Tuesday. That act will solidify the idea that I’m going to write and the next day it’s much more likely. Even if it’s the day after that seed will still be there. Writing 10 words only takes a few minutes. However, it makes the next day that much easier and better. I particularly like the idea of trying new ideas. For example: I was thinking a couple days ahead when I asked Kelli if we should get housewarming plants as gifts for people at a superbowl party on Sunday. It was simple. I asked her Thursday. Kelli and I ended up going to get them on Friday, and had a pretty enjoyable facetime call with Schick and Sara (2 good friends). We then gave plants to friends on Saturday and Sunday. It wasn’t anything big, but enhanced all 3 days a decent amount. In the past I would have thought about the whole big chore and not liked it, but by simply seeding it a couple days ahead of time it brought a little more joy across 3 different days.
#2 is really about being in today. Let’s face it no amount of seeds matter if you don’t actually do shit. #2 is really about fighting my daily battle. I write simple goals for things I want to accomplish. They’re not much different than the goals in Healthy January, but there’s a lot more flexibility. It also becomes VERY easy to look at #1 from yesterday and see the seeds. I can carry things forward in a very easy way.
#3 doesn’t relate directly to some of the concepts above. It’s more about appreciating what’s happened. It’s important to reflect on how the day went I think. This is stolen from Stoic philosophy and an app I downloaded to try. I simply like the idea of reflection and appreciation. I think it helps solidify things and build momentum.
Progress So Far
I’m a few days into this, and so far I think I like it. It’s hard to measure real progress. It’s hard to say after <7 days whether this is actually working. However, I know that it’s making things seem easier. For example I’ve been thinking about auditing my finances in a serious way for a long time. Today I simply looked at my bank account. I did that with the idea to seed future days. If I simply look and start to question I can figure it out later.
So far this seems to be a worthwhile experiment to reshape some of my thinking. More to come later though as it’s too early to really tell.
2/21 Update – Small Changes
Half of the mirror still remains. I still have the stickies up and look at them from time to time. What I found is that it’s important for me to physically rearrange them every couple days. If I don’t do this I tend to get used to having the stickies there in the same spot and really don’t see them. I like looking at these things and thinking about what it means to my life. Unfortunately I think the negative words I used to describe myself are as true now as they were when I put them up. It’ll be a long journey.
I decided to take the AMAZING day section down after a few days of missing it. I simply wasn’t seeing a lot of value for the overhead… sure it was only a few minutes each day, but I didn’t like it. I do like the idea of seeding tomorrow though. That’s a thought/idea I keep with me. I can achieve that with simple reminders though.
Overall I think incorporating something like the accountability mirror into my life is going to be a long term habit. I like presenting myself with the negative things I see as a counter point to fight against on a day to day basis. For example: I see “Lazy” on a post-it note and commit to going to working out hard and doing a bunch of yardwork in the same day (happened yesterday). I see “Aimless” on there and I start to think very seriously about creating a solid 5-10 year goal even if I don’t like it. Essentially I’m aimless and I think I might just make something up to aim at even if I’m not sure I want it. These are all positive things I wouldn’t have otherwise done unless I had some post-its on my mirror.
CONCLUSION: for < $5 and <10 mins I’d highly recommend trying this for yourself.
3/12 Update – Natural Evolution
I’m still going with my accountability mirror. I finally got my wife to listen to the part of Goggins’ book that explains where this came from. Her first question is “why don’t you have goals in yours?” This question has been eating at me since she asked it. I don’t have a good answer other than to say I need to get some goals. I’ve never been goal oriented. One of the words I put on the mirror was “listless”. This single question has led me to start thinking about what kind of man I want to be. Who do I want to be? What kind of traits do I admire? This is something I’ve been kicking around for a while now, and is the next evolution of the Accountability Mirror. I’ve started to write small goals up there, but nothing crazy. These are simple little things I’m working on like “Don’t eat bullshit”, but it’s a start.
I’ve started drafting the piece about who I want to be. It’ll be posted at some point, but not just yet. I have a lot more to do with it.