Keeping the end in mind the singular question that drives me everyday is “What can I bring into my life now that will make my 40s amazing?” I’m 32 and I’ve been asking myself this question for 2 years now.
How did I come to this question?
Previously I wrote about my motivation up until I was 30. I had hard life goals that I guess could be considered standard… I wanted a house, to be in a good relationship, and an established career. If the house had a pool I had exceeded expectations. I found myself at 30 with all of these things, and wasn’t sure what to do next.
What I actually did next can best be described as the theoretical act of putting my head squarely up my ass. I stared slacking off at work. I was acting very unhealthy. I was listless. I didn’t realize my head was up my ass until I looked back at it, but it clearly was. I didn’t know what to do next, and I had no idea how much my goals were actually impacting my life day to day. I needed to shift, but had no idea what to shift to or how to shift. One day I stumbled upon podcasts, and specifically the work of Tim Ferris. He attempts to find the best habits and routines from people who are the best at what they do. These are small seemingly trivial things like making your bed first thing in the morning. They aren’t earth shattering, but they are the cornerstone of a lot of success. In addition he’s spent years experimenting on himself. He actually attempts these things to try and learn within his own life. I decided to try this myself, and from that decision a new view on life slowly sprouted.
I decided to start with exercise. My wife, then girlfriend, and I got an elliptical. I decided to put in 20 miles a week every week on it. At first I decided to just use it, but settled on 20 after a few weeks. Keeping track of every mile required some kind of system. I decided to hang a calendar by my bed so that I’d see it every morning and every night. It was a constant reminder of my goal. I’d record miles per day everyday I did them with the week’s totals. It was simple enough. I was committed, and the goal was visible.
While I was doing this I started consuming podcasts and books at a rate I hadn’t done my entire life. I was hooked on perspective. I remember the Tim Ferris podcast titled “The man who studied 1000 deaths to learn how to live.” It was about a triple amputee palliative care physician who shared his lessons from helping 1000+ people pass peacefully. He shared simple things like the immediacy and joy of baking chocolate chip cookies. You don’t bake cookies for the future. You do it for today. There’s something simple and profound about the joy of doing things like that. I realized quickly that there were a lot of interesting people in the world with a lot of interesting perspectives on life that I could learn from. Years later I’m still seeking these perspectives and trying to learn. Like exercise this was a new habit I incorporated into my life that would pay dividends for years to come.
I also started meditating. I had tried meditation before, but gave up after a few days. I figured I’d try that again. I kept hearing from podcasts that meditation was a common practice of many successful people. With technology I could also do it in my home for cheap with no judgement. I picked it up and tried it again. I meditated for 76 days in a row before I missed a day. There are many benefits of meditation, but for me it essentially helped defrag my brain and become a 3rd party to my thoughts. I was seeing thoughts and responding in a way that made sense and not just responding in a knee jerk fashion.
These 3 simple small things left me at a place where my mind and body were improving without much effort. I was learning daily thanks to my phone, bluetooth headphones, and podcasts. I was getting in better shape by spending a few hours on the elliptical usually watching some show on TV. I was meditating 10 mins a day helping me understand myself and defrag my brain. My view on life and life in general was getting rapidly better because of some small things. I started to wonder what else could make my life better. I also started to think about time different. I was less focused on the immediate future and more focused on long term improvements. 20 miles a week wasn’t about the 20 miles. It wasn’t about some race later on in the year. It was about bringing exercise back into my life. Long term exercise would help me live a happy healthy life.
From there the question started to form as a simple thought: how can I do more stuff like this to make my life better? It quickly morphed into the thing I think about daily: What can I bring into my life now that will make my 40s amazing?
The power of a question
I’ve heard over and over that goal setting is important, and that SMART goals are really powerful. I grew up professionally trying to put SMART goals around my own performance, and attempting to be data driven. I didn’t like it. I needed something that could change as I changed, and that’s a question.
I’ve thought many times about changing the question to a goal, but the power in the question is that it morphs to the way you’re thinking. I can apply this question to a broad spectrum like my entire life, or focus it more narrow. It helps me decompose big desires into small things. I think about the question at the highest level and realize I want good relationships. From there I apply the question again to think about what those look like. I keep going until I get to something somewhat finite like this February (2019) being themed “People February” for me, and having a goal to reach out to 1 person everyday that I wouldn’t otherwise reach out to. The asking of this question helps me traverse from big ideas to small actions.
For me asking a question helps me frame things a lot different. Similar to people I’ve recently shared this question during job interviews as the singular thing that drives me. It helped me answer what I want in my next career step in a definitive way I don’t think a goal could. I want to help people live better work lives and see a broader spectrum of business across multiple companies.
I also like the idea that this question is finite while the answers can be infinite and incredibly varied. 1 question many answers. I don’t have to change my question often. If I tried to create a goal or set of goals for myself I’d wake up unhappy with them some days and want to rewrite them. I don’t have to do that with a question.
The final thing I’ll say in asking this question is that I structured it to have a somewhat immediate focus. I want to use perspective to inform my day today because all I can do is act now. It’s hard to have a big picture that funnels to finite actions, but for me asking this question does that.
Some answers for me
Below is a list of things that I’ve attempted to bring into my life to make my 40s amazing. I’ve included some highlights at the top.
Highlights:
- Propose to Kelli – she could definitely make my 40s amazing
- Invisalign – straight teeth seem good
- A dog, and now a 2nd dog – having a dog seems rewarding
- Exercise – yoga, crossfit, lifting, etc.
- Daily Routines – I’ve tried many different things
- Poker – I started playing with some friends. It might be a longer term fun hobby
Here’s a more complete list of things, some are products, that I’ve tried. I honestly don’t have an exhaustive list because I’ve only just started documenting these things.
| Win The Day |
| Meditation |
| Crossfit |
| Morning hydration |
| Morning movement |
| 1hr before/after bed no electronics |
| Next day goals |
| Pre bed journal |
| Long form journal |
| Digital journal |
| Yoga |
| Elliptical |
| Piracetam |
| New Mood |
| Alpha Brain |
| To-Do list visibilty |
| Calendar |
| Whiteboard in bedroom |
| Password phrases |
| Going unemployed |
| Keto |
| All meat |
| Whole 30 |
| Fruits, nuts, veggies, and beans |
| Memos at work |
| Writing as a way to think |
| Pocasts |
| Audiobooks |
| Back roller |
| Inversion table |
| Posture straightener |
| Blog |
| Creative Wednesday |
| Breakfast Club (maybe???), |
| Books maybe??? |
| In home lifting |
| Plant based vitamins |
| Owned chores (dishes) |
| Gratitudes |
| 5 min journal |
| Chilipad |
| Bed time drink |